FIVE KINDS OF MEN YOU SHOULD NOT MARRY -1

Marriage is for Christians is a lifetime affair, the person you decide to marry goes a long way to ensure your happiness in the long run. Getting attached to the right partner reduces your prayer points in marriage. It is easy to overlook certain red flags while dating, these signs crop up and grow into something bigger and more destructive in marriage. While I cannot tell you who to marry, i'll tell you the kinds of men you must never get attached to.



The Narcissist: This man is too absorbed in his own needs, desires and interest to take notice of yours, his ego is inflated. He pays no attention and shows no interest in things that matter to you  , he doesn't share in your passions. Marriage is partnership, it involves the daily giving up of oneself for another,
Greater love hath no man than this. Marrying a self absorbed person takes away the gift on unconditional love from you.

The man who underplays your standards: This kind of man doesn't value your values, he makes a mockery of the kind of woman you have worked hard to build and pressures you into giving in to his demands. The man deserving of you should respect you and everything you represent.


The Shameless Man:  I believe there is a level of pride due to every individual, the kind of pride that makes one not to stoop below a certain standard, the right kind of pride represents ones dignity and self respect, a man lacking in this has no boundaries or limits to what he can do, he has no shame, no scruples.

The Irresponsible Man :  The irresponsible man takes up no responsibilities, you can see this in his conversation,  the stories he tells you, does he make excuses when something goes wrong or mans up to his mistakes with the aim of becoming a better person? Does he pick up bills and do little things depending on his financial capability? Theither kind of home you hope to build depends on how willing both partners are to fulfil their duties.

The Spiritual Baby : If a man is not spiritually and emotionally mature, never get attached to him. Contrary to what the society has made us believe, the man is the spiritual leader of his home. We have watched our mothers scrape their knees and roast perpetually in the war room to save their homes. The era of St. Monica should be fast phasing out. I'm not saying women should stop being prayerful, I'm saying we should not be unequally yoked, a man's relationship with God should be strong enough for him to know the words of HIS WORD to wash her with ( Ephesians 5:26 ) and live by those words.

...to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word (Eph 5:26)


BOYS: I lay emphasis on this point because one of the most causes of drama in marriage is linked to third party interference especially from inlaws. Don't get hitched to a boy who hides under the vocabulary 'Man.’ A man should leave his father and mother. Watch out for signs that he is ready to leave and cling to you. I'm not saying a man shouldn't love his parents, he's not expected to abandon them, but at a stage in a man's life, if he's overly attached to his mother, it's a warning sign. A young lady complained to me about her husband being treated like a child by his mum, sent on unspeakable errands and called around like an errand boy, on probing further she confessed that while they were courting she was aware of certain things her husband's mum said against her and he took sides with his mum. Things like that don't change overnight, if he believes everything the mother says without asserting his sense of reasoning and does all she says without a proper sense of judgment. Leave him be, allow him to grow up. In such marriage you will continue to feel like your husband is married to two women, jealously and insecurity is bound to mess up with your head and interfere with your relationship.

“and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh'? (Matt 19:5)

The Chauvanist: This man believes in the superiority of men and has no respect for the women in his life,  His interaction with women shows if he can be trusted with your heart, your life , your future and your daughters. Does he ogle every woman he drives past, use cuss words and objectify women? Does he talk back and down at his mother and sisters? Signs that he will be an abuser or a womanizer are hidden between these lines.

While waiting on God for your partner, take your time to mould yourself into a woman you can be proud of, and do not be afraid to get rid of anyone who doesn't fit into God's plan and purpose for you. His will for you is good not evil, to bring you to the expected end of fulfilment in marriage (Jer 29:11).

ARISE OF YE MEN!!!

I write with so much pain, the situation of our society wearies me, the condition of 'Manhood' is critical.

I've seen men criticizing girls for having the 'Aristo' mentality,

I have seen new generation men who no longer find it okay marrying women who have low paying jobs or no jobs at all,

Recently  I saw an interview  of women in the international  fish market lagos ,where  they expressed regrettably that men were no longer fending for their homes.

There is so much laziness and irresponsibility among our growing men,

This  forces me to ask,  where are the MEN? , Are there no MEN in our land? have they been replaced by overgrown babies and old boys.

Where is the dignity of MANHOOD ? these days it is believed to be found in the number of women you are able to sleep with , 

Gone  are the days of Okonkwo in Chinua Achebe's things fall apart when men were known by their strength and hardwork.Things  have indeed fallen apart.

Irrespective of the assumption that  a child gone bad is a product of a mother's lapses, Every promiscuous woman you see today is as a result of a man's failure to do his duty. A father's absence in his children's lives, a father's failure to discipline his children, a father's failure to provide for his children, a man's failure to protect every woman he sees. 

In the african tradition, a man is seen as the head of a family, no matter how little he is, he is regarded as a father figure in the life of the women in his house. Irrespective of his birth order, be he the last child or the first, a man assumes a fatherly role over the women in his life

This is a wake up call to the men, rise up to your duties

Rise up as a father

Rise up as a provider

Rise up as a protector

Rise up as a warrior, defend her, defend her honour, defend your wives, defend your sisters, defend your daughters

I may not have seen everything, but in my short stay here on earth, I have seen enough irresponsibility, enough to make my heart ache, so much that tears roll from my eyes, and I wonder, what does the future hold?

Where is the dignity of manhood?

Keduzie ugwu e jiri mara nwoke?

Rise up o ye men, rise up!

Wake up from your deep slumber

Gird your loins with strength

Fortify your arms

No matter the emancipation we undergo, we still need you

We need you to lead us in prayer

We need you to lead us to the farmyard

We need you to lead us to the battlefield of life

We need you to help us build the homes

We need you to lead the society aright

We still need you

May we be able to raise our sons to be men, men who know their worth

I am a function of a man's labour

I am a function of a father's discipline 

I am a function of a brother (s) duties

I am a function of a mother's virtue

I am a composite product of people who rose up to their responsibilities 

Let the dignity of man be restored

On BEING RELIGIOUS

1. I've heard these sentences severally and more recently, frequently "do away with religion ", "stop being religious ",  "are we truly Christians or are we being religious" e.t.c. Anyone who uses these phrases and hasn't heard about "being spiritual but not being religious" is still a learner or an ardent Pastor-listener  (pls google SBNR)
   
   
   Let's break it down with the dictionary 
   
   
   Definition of Religion  according to Merriam- Webster 
   1a :  the state of a religious  e.g a nun in her 20th year of religion
   b(1) :  the service and worship of God or the supernatural (2) :  commitment or devotion to religious faith or observance
   2:  a personal set or institutionalized system of religious attitudes, beliefs, and practices
   3: archaic :  scrupulous conformity : conscientiousness
   4:  a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
   
   
   Definition of Religious  
     1:  relating to or manifesting faithful devotion to an acknowledged ultimate reality or deity e.g. a religious person, religious attitudes
   2:  of, relating to, or devoted to religious beliefs or observances e.g. joined a religious order
   3a :  scrupulously and conscientiously faithful.
   b :  fervent, zealous
   
   
   When I hear those sentences, I can't help but wonder which particular definition they want me to do away with, and because most people who say them are only "quoting" what they heard their Pastor or will I say 'religious leader' said, they aren't able to explain their points exactly.
   
   
   I take it that they mean, that we should reject a particular way of doing things which was handed over to us, or that we should ignore a routine ( I stand to be corrected, I am open to more explanations)
   
   
   For me, I will say, there is no Christianity without religion, they go hand in hand......
   
   
   Let's take it down to the scriptures
   JESUS WAS RELIGIOUS 
   
   
   Many of us fail to remember that Jesus was a Jew, and He diligently followed the Jewish tradition:  
   ·        Jesus was dedicated in the temple on his 8th day according to law of the Lord regarding the ceremony of purification( Luke 2:21-24)
   ·        Jesus observed the Passover ( Luke 2:42, John 2:13,23. Matt 26:17-19)
   ·        Jesus often prayed in the mountains and in lonely places (Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16, Matt 14:23) He did that always, he could have always blurted out his prayers wherever he was, but he chose to go to specific places, not caring what was happening, the same reason he kept his parents looking for him, the same reason his disciples were always looking for him -his love and devotion to God. to be religious is to be DEVOTED
   ·        Jesus was religious with prayers, he taught us to pray in a specific way and in specific places
   
   
     One day Jesus was praying in a certain place. When he finished, one of his disciples said to him, “Lord, teach us to pray, just as John taught his disciples.”
    He said to them, “When you pray, say:
   “‘Father, hallowed be your name,
   your kingdom come. Give us each day our daily bread. Forgive us our sins for we also forgive everyone who sins against us
   And lead us not into temptation...... ( Luke 11:1-4)
   
   
    “And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you....(Matt 6:5-6)
   
   
   Jesus categorically stated that he did not come to do away with the laws of Moses and the teachings of the prophets, but to make them materialize (Matt 5:17-20)
   What Jesus did was to do away with practices that were not in line with the greatest commandment of all - LOVE, that was why he performed miracles even on Sabbath days.(Mark 3:4), the same reason he defended his disciples when they harvested on Sabbath day ( Mark 2:25-27)                    
   We are Christians ,  followers of Christ and should live accordingly, the death and resurrection of Jesus isn't the death of one religion and the birth of another, it is the fulfillment of the utmost will of God.
   I pray for a generation of Christians who seek to have a deeper relationship with God, who don't just go to church to download the teachings of their leader, but also go home to study the scriptures to show themselves approved before God (2 Tim 2:15)
   Christians who open themselves up to hear from God.
   
   
   You have all the power you need, the Holy spirit in you reveals all truth,  when in doubt about a teaching, seek him, even when convinced about a teaching, seek Him more to teach you more.
   If you preach against religion as a Christian and still go ahead to celebrate Christmas and Easter, then your level of hypocrisy should be measured, these are religious traditions not invented by your Pastor, but handed over to you from generations. As Christianity cannot do without religion, so also it cannot be alienated from tradition.
   Please  drop your views and suggestions so that we can learn more.
   
   
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FIVE REASONS NOT TO ACCEPT MEDIOCRITY

….Moderate ability, moderate value, moderate quality, those words best describe mediocre according to the dictionary. With life becoming easier as the day goes by, thanks to technological advancements, we are bound to become lazier, taking every day as it goes while leaving all the hardwork for a selected few. If you have lost every cause to wake up, do your best and be your best, here are some incentives to spur you up.

1.       You can do better:  

“I can do all through Christ that strengthens me” (Phil 4:13)

The reason most people settle for just anything is because they have mentally placed themselves in a box, set limits for themselves in their head. “ I can’t do this”, “I’m not smart enough”……  When it comes to what we can achieve, there’s always room for improvement. In dealing with my physical challenge, I have always had to recite this scripture to myself “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”

Why settle for less when you can do so much more. Maximize your potentials, stretch your limits, do your very best, aim for the very best.

2.       It ruins all your hardwork

“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom” (Songs of Solomon 2:15)

A friend of mine received a beautiful wedding gown she ordered . I forgot to mention that the gown was also very expensive. On putting it on, she discovered thread hanging loosely from the hem of the dress and concluded that the dress was below the standard she ordered for. That was it. All the effort I put into convincing her that it was equally beautiful, we just needed to cut off the thread was in vain. Who would blame her? Some people set standards for themselves and anything below that is unacceptable. Everyone should endeavour to do same. That little thread , the haphazard finishing ruined the beauty of that wedding gown, it ruined all the effort the dress maker must have put into creating that nice piece.

Whenever you have a task to accomplish, a goal to achieve, not putting in your best from the start to the very finish, not aiming for the finest quality ruins all the effort you must have put in and leaves your work mediocre at best.

3.       You might never get another chance to get it right

“Whatever your hands find to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom” (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

Like it or not, there is an end to life, there is an end to everything ever started, there is also an end to every opportunity. Imagine you are awarded a contract and you present an inferior job, imagine you need a scholarship and you grades come up as average, imagine you are to meet with an important personality and you come five minutes late……

No doubts, you have done something, how well you did it is what matters most. Time and opportunities meet in sacred places and when you don’t embrace what they both have to offer, and make the most of it, you may not be privileged to attend their next meeting. Do it right while you can, you may never get a chance for renovations.

4.       Your reward for excellence is greater

“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the lord, not for human masters. Since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving” (Colossians 3:23-24)

No one gets a reward for average or poor performance.  Exceptional achievers have always been recognized all through history. While many aim just to pass through, always aim to excel in all you do.  There’s plenty of room at the top because few people care to travel beyond the average route, and so most of us seem satisfied to remain within the confines of mediocrity (Nnamdi Azikiwe).

Doing so much more than the crowd does sets you apart, it separates you from the rest of the world. Success is gained by pursuing excellence. The difference between mediocrity and excellence is the effort you put into your work.

5.       Your purpose is far greater

"Be perfect therefore, as your heavenly father is perfect" (Matt 5:48)

We  are made in the image and likeness of God, God who is perfect. We are called to a life of perfection. Don’t get it wrong, it doesn’t mean we are allowed no mistakes, grace meets you halfway through you pursuit of excellence and makes all the difference. It is God’s will for us to excel in all that we do (see 3 John 1:2). We don’t just accidentally meet up with excellence, hardwork is accompanied by excellence.

The pursuit for excellence is far more rewarding than settling for mediocrity. One good thing about striving for excellence is that it becomes less stressful when you make a habit of it. Yes, that is because while people are scrambling for positions within the mediocre level, you have already distinguished yourself from the rest of them. Why the scurry to be noticed, your opinion has become indispensible in your field of excellence. Always remember “ There are no traffic Jams along the extra mile”

Orji Uchechi 

HAVE A ONE NIGHT STAND- Toke was right afterall

I was 17 going on 30 when they came by our house One sunny Sunday to see my parents , the woman scribbled some scriptures on a piece of paper and practically begged me to find time to read it

 What prompted her to reach out to me in that manner ? was pain written on my forehead? were fine lines of life drawn on my innocent face? could it be that my eyes were wrinkled, were the marks of aging hidden in my heart that visible. I can't say.

It was as if she could see through me, she could see me dance to the tunes that life played for me. Sometimes life beats the drums and strikes the chord, not minding how skilled you are in the art of dancing, not caring whether you preferred blues or the 'Terry G' kind, it goes as far as playing surugede, and still leaves you with no option but to dance.  Maybe she could really see through me, or she was God's messenger to me, the answers remain unknown but that day marked a turning point in my life.

"Young people, enjoy your youth. Be happy while you are still young. Do what you want to do, and follow your heart's desire. But remember that God is going to judge you for whatever you do". Ecclesiastes 11 vs 9

I pondered on this scripture for days, what bothered me more was why she chose to give me not just any word of knowledge,  but this particular scripture.

In this verse, the summation of your life as a youth is spelt out. I thought about everything I could do, all that my heart wished for and my body craved, while thinking about them, I remembered that there was a price - God's judgement.

So go ahead and have a one night stand if you so crave for it, kiss a toad if you care to. For every action you take says Newton, "there is an equal and opposite reaction "

waiting for God's judgement may seem too far, but the consequences of your action starts here on earth, while you still live and breathe. Before you make any thoughtless move, or take a careless decision, think about the repercussions it will bring, can you deal with it? How much of it can you take.

I won't go ahead to criticize the words of Toke because clearly what matters most to her differs from what matters to me and you  but I will tell you this "Make peace with every decision you make."

Lots of love

With love from the 'OTHER ROOM'

For many days now, I have watched the social media devour and criticize Buhari over his comments, men and women alike,  everyone is expressing their displeasure and putting up beautiful posts and pictures about how their wives are not made for the kitchen, living room and the infamously famous 'other room.'

Let us hear word biko, it's not by talking, in Nse's voice "5,6,what's difference!"

Is it because it's Buhari? leave the old man alone, he is thinking like his generation, what about you and me, who are in the computer age and use our computers only to chat on Facebook.

How many of us women, attach that much value to ourselves? How many of us confine ourselves to watching Telemundo all day long? When you sit idle in the sitting room all day long, not being productive, sucking up oxygen while your fellow women are out there changing the world, my dear, you are part of the furniture,  YOU BELONG TO THE LIVING ROOM.

How many of us are so useless that the only skill they have is kama sutra. When others are being recognized in various capacities, the only award we can bag is from the council in the 'other room '. You meet a man today and he shows you little love,your back is on the floor. How many of you in those pseudo relationships cry wolf when he doesn't give you money for 'work well done'. Are you not being unnecessarily hard on Mr.President? My dear, you belong to the 'other room' and to think of it, no one placed you there, you chose that space. When we devalue ourselves that much, reduce ourselves to sex toys and objects of satisfaction to the male folk including married men, what do we expect?

Some of us don't even have position in any of the rooms, because we no sabi  cook, afterall, we are wives not cooks, Rejoice! Your position is still unknown,  you are the 'X' that my maths teacher kept asking me to find.

And for the men, he who has no sin should cast the first stone. Are you better than Buhari, you who won't allow your wife to work because of the small small change you feel you are getting. You who won't give her the opportunity to pursue her dreams because you are afraid of letting her out of your sight, lest she meet men who will treat her better. You who will not help her in house work because you feel it's a woman's duty to cook, clean and take care of your children, while as a mAN that you is nau, you will be reading newspaper and watching television. You who won't allow her to express her views or give her voting rights in the decisions around the home because you don't want her to challenge your authority as a mAN, you are no better than Buhari. He who is able to relinquish absolute power other than wield it forcefully has the ultimate power. Learn from Jesus, who even though he was God, he did not cling to that authority  he still chose to come to poor parents,  and die like a criminal (see Philippians 2:6-11). Many men limit their women to their thoughts all in the name of acting like a MAN, when clearly she reasons better, don't be ashamed to let her help you grow, don't be too proud to accept her wise counsel, it benefits the family.

We are the light of the world, let us shine, let us not hide our light under bushels of makeup and laziness. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see you good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven. In reality, men are able to see your worth, it reflects in the way you carry yourself, and they treat you accordingly, when  you place yourself higher than these buharified rooms, real men place you high, while the weak ones get intimidated by you.

Mr.Man, please let her shine, allow your woman to shine, all those other women you meet out there and admire the good in them were allowed to shine by the men in their lives. Even if she refuses to shine, Please polish her to shine, inspire her to be all she can be, and guess who will be proud of her? You!!! Don't limit her to the rooms that the society has tagged her with. Adorn her, and love her as you love yourself, as you aim high, inspire her to aspire higher (see Ephesians 5:28-30)

Let us all live and let live, while we are at it, let's leave our marks on earth. be the change you want to see.
With love from the 'other room '

Orji Uchechi 

14.09.14- RIGHT AT MY DOORSTEP

Every year, I look forward to the beginning of 'my new year'- 14.09. This particular year, I was prepared to celebrate against all odds. The previous day, I insisted that Dr. Prasad remove my wires, splint and bandages as I wanted to groove as usual and take my beautiful snapshots, the bandages wouldn't do my pictures justice.
Attribute 1: I love taking pictures, I could have only one smile, one outfit and one pose- I will still take 20 snapshots
Against his wish and medical intelligence, he indulged me because I wouldn't take no for an answer
Attribute 2: Uche is a go-getter,  what she wants, she gets.
Sunday came, my triad -church- orphanage- home. That's as far as my birthdays go. Armed with Google map, a constant friend in a distant land, we set out to find an orphanage within the environs of Mulund, eventually, I and my P.A (aka travel companion) decided on one, we hopped on a rickshaw  (keke) and cruised a distance of about 38 kilometers till we arrived at our choice place. We didn't forget our cake,biscuits, drinks and sweets. That was all we could afford, nothing was too little or too big for the children we wanted to share the day with (or so we thought), I really looked forward to cutting the cake with them. We were received albeit poorly, we were also not allowed to go near the residents of the home cos we were strangers (and Nigerians). There was no going back, we had already dropped our packages with them. I hung my head in disappointment,  my day was ruined as far as I know.

As a jolly good fellow he always is, my travel buddy urged me to cheer up as and jolly with him, we had an extra cake and a bottle of wine tucked up in our room. The rickshaw came to a halt, the lights flashed on their faces, there they were, the little children begging on the streets of Mumbai, their homeless mothers who groomed them to the life they knew, they were there all along, I saw them everyday, I passed them by as I searched for a fancy orphanage. They were right at my doorstep all along, yet I didn't deem them worthy to celebrate with. I had felt enough disappointment for one birthday, all I could feel was shame. Why did I overlook them? As they scampered around us with their hands open, tears rolled down my face, I held as many as I could in a hug, we emptied our pockets, shared the sweets we kept for ourselves with them. The smile on their faces made my day. I couldn't have wished for a better birthday, this was it. The highlight of my day.

Often times, we wait for big breaks to do big things, but it doesn't have to be so. Glenn Campbell says we should "Try a little kindness" the little you have is enough to get you across the "narrow minded streets". Charity begins at home. I learnt this lesson 2 years ago, and since then, I move about shining my light so brightly for all to see.

Happy Birthday to me
Many happy returns to QUEEN IVORY