.....and Anna taught me to Sing

True Story

Anna is a strong, cheerful young lady in her twenties, tall, dark skinned and beautiful, a replica of her kind mother. The Gboko-Markurdi road and BSUTH brought her to my path or will i say, brought me to her path. The circumstances though unfortunate, left lessons for a lifetime.

On her way home from an errand, a sad incident occured, a trailer ran into the bike carrying her and left her paralysed from her neck down. Anna lost the use of both arms and legs. I was carried into the female surgical ward, the same ward as Anna, and found myself beside her. We became neighbours,mates and students in life-changing situations .

It was all new to me, the sudden loss of autonomy, the idleness, the pain and above all, the thought that things will never be the same again. I was learning to cope. I looked over and watched as Anna's mother wiped her up, and met her every need. I wondered about her, I thought about what the future held for her and the cruelty that life puts us through - the uncoordinated tunes life forces us to dance to. She always marvelled me, the only sounds she made were melodious singing, not one day did Anna cry, not one day did I see her lost in thoughts, yea, maybe she wandered into her wilderness, but it was never a habit. The only constant ritual was her festival of songs. Anna sang through it all.

Many will ask how we could thank God in such circumstances, but Anna didn't ask, she did act. She praised God as the psalmist wanted- 'let everything that has breadth give him praise.' She sang because she could. Though legs could not dance and hands could not clap, but her voice always rang to fill the gaps. I grew strong just by watching her, she trained my voice to sing.

Life has been as fair as life can be, but facing it all with joy and hope makes the journey worth the while. I've met adversities, but I've learnt to sing, because Anna taught me so.

Impressions- Aren't we all Hypocrites

Chioma woke up and lazily stretched herself on the bed, she looked at the time piece beside the lamp stand, wishing she could silence its shrill permanently by smashing it against the wall. It was a rainy Saturday morning and her bed hadnt yet had enough of her, she wasnt a morning person, and this was her first night at her In-laws place. Hmmm! times you wish you were married to an American, whose parents will serve you breakfast in bed

‘Be yourself’ is a popular mantra among many, parents echo it to their children, guardians advise their wards, relationship experts are full of it, everyone says ‘be yourself, but then who are WE? Why would I rush to beat the traffic to work on a rainy morning when all I want is to curl up under the duvet and sleep? Can we really be ourselves, can I be myself, can you be Yourself, if you can, then who are you?, a wife to your husband, a mother to your child, an employee to our employer, etc. The different roles we play require different personalities, different expressions and different mannerisms. We are all actors in the stage of life and should act according to our individual scripts, crying when we ought to, laughing, scolding, loving at the right times.

It is in our nature to act our best and leave people thinking the best or worst of us, afterall first impressions matter. If youve ever found yourself doing things youve sworn never to do, relax youre not alone in it, its a conspiracy of the entire human race, HYPOCRISY is a natural state of the human mind.
I laugh when we say “I dont give a hoot about what anyone says or thinks. In reality we all do, we care even way too much. My friend asked, “why must I lie on my resume, can’t I just say my hobbies are singing in the shower and watching movies, must I like reading before I get a job.

The painted, faces, the fake smiles, the beautiful hairdos, the starched shirts, the packaged CVs, all tell one story, we are all hypocrites, we live to please, we act to make lasting impressions, we lie to get what we want. Its all about packaging. For me I will say maybe, just maybe, these different parts and acts are what makes each of us who we truly are- HYPOcREALS
Happy day

The Passage Rites

Growing from infanthood to childhood was something we all looked forward to. It included being allowed by our parents to go and fetch water from the nearby ‘Nworie’ river. Fetching water was part of the fun trips in the Egesimba’s Estate, another which we indulged in was going to throw away the house- hold waste at the erosion ditch that served as refuse dump site for the neighbourhood. (Story for another day). Being old enough to go to the stream was a beginner stage, actually getting to carry water with a bucket was another stage-the intermediary stage because beginners as a norm carried  two and a half (2_1/2 ) litres jerry can. Let the initiation begin. The advanced stage consists of children and teenagers who carried all sorts of buckets ranging from plastics to metal and even cooking pots, these containers came in varying sizes. All these served as appetizers. The main goal was in the actual carrying of the containers.  

Balancing the bucket was the main ritual in the rite of passage ceremonies. To enter into the big boys/girls league, you have to be able to carry your bucket on your head with your hands swaying proudly by your sides. Before being able to carry your bucket, you will have to learn how to fold your rag as a comfortable rest for your container. ‘Igwo aju’ as it is called in the local parlance looked easy to any onlooker but it is a skill to be learnt not inherited. You learn from those already in the game. When one has perfectly mastered the ‘Igwo aju’ act, he/she moved to the balancing of bucket technique, no bucket can balance comfortably without its rest, they were like the male and female adaptors.

This ritual involves lots and lots of practice, like every other practical, samples had to be used and some dumped, the experiments have to be gone over till a perfect result was gotten, just like trying to neutralizing and acid , you keep adding the base and testing with your ‘pH-meter’ till the desired pH is attained. In the case of the ritual, you have to keep trying and trying, no matter how many times we failed, we came out more determined to be masters over our buckets of water. Gosh! Who knows how many buckets we broke just to join the trend? How many buckets were sacrificed just for the desires of our hearts, we kept lusting for our goal, the scolds from our parents couldn’t deter the single- minded children. We had the elephant grasses to tie, and when all else failed, we stiffened our hearts and bodies. The passion for the cliques burnt so hot and bright, couldn’t be quenched till there was nothing to consume. Then and only then can we be stopped- The Lords. Yes, we deserved the title, our goals have been conquered, fetching water was no more a task, carrying our buckets bore no more fear, our parents got angry no more cos the water kept coming without delay.

No dream is ever actualized without a sacrifice, there’s always a price to pay, there are always buckets to be broken, and it doesn’t matter how many you break, just pick up all its pieces and take home, come out again to try harder and if possible, break more buckets. The end they say- justifies the means. There really shouldn’t be an end to our goals, I think we should remain insatiable, always longing for more, always doing more- like the biblical 70 x 7 times. When your bucket of water seats comfortably on your head, and your arms rest by your sides, your face beams with smiles. You become the envy of your counterparts and the hero of the upcoming, and most importantly, you become the future you dreamt about.

BREAKING MY BUCKETS……..

Does God make a way....?

I sat close to them, so I couldn’t help overhearing. I swear I wasn’t eavesdropping.

From their conversation, that beautiful young lady was a Nigerian graduate awaiting her call to serve her nation. An elderly man engaged her in a conversation, he asked where she would like to be posted for her youth service and she enthusiastically replied "LAGOS!!!”  ‘Why Lagos, what do you hope to do there, where would you like to work, do you have any specific place in mind’? . These were his questions and mine too. She said she will get a job somewhere, I think the man was as shocked as I was or even more, he further asked paraphrased " just like that?, don’t you have plans, who is supporting you?, maybe you must have something or someone you are hoping on” her reply was " I believe when I get there, God will make a way."

Really! Does God make a way? Did I hear her right? I bet this story is familiar, have u heard it before? are you guilty of playing a part in this story at one point in your life or the other? I bet most of us are members of the 'LEFT AM FOR GOD' group.

Does God truly pave your way without your will; will he make your way without a direction?

I think this question is based on rhetoric.

Our lives may belong to our creator, but he has given it to us to make use of it judiciously, we should be in control of our lives, we should have a lifetime plan. It is your destiny, take charge of it. Let’s not live as victims of circumstances. Some people say we should have plan A, B and even C, and I think you should go along with that though I only make substitutes when d original falters. Keep planning. I know when Peter Marshal prayed that we should have something to stand for lest we fall for anything, he may not have had this scenario in mind, but I think its applicable here. When you don’t know where you are headed, the winds of life sway you to any direction of its choice and you follow it. When you know what you want out of life and the storms come, you get back on track, maybe not so easily or fast, but you eventually recuperate.

These tips have guided me thus far and I hope they become as useful to you as they have been to me:

 1. Make an appraisal of your life, look at where you were, where you are, see how you’ve come and think about where you want to be. Dreaming is healthy as long as u wake up early enough to live your dream

2.  Make a list of your positives, what is your selling point?  What are you good at, what are u talented in? Try to link these to your dreams and aspirations. They should go hand in hand cos one who has no teeth cannot dream of cracking bones.

3. Break down your aspirations into steps, these steps are your goals, and these goals should be grouped into long term and short term. Every long term goal should also have short term plans. If you aim to get a degree in 4 years time, your short term plans may include scouting for your choice course and school, getting an application, preparing for your exams, writing entrance exams etc.

4. Set a deadline for all your goals, it’s called self discipline. When you attach a time frame to your plans, you are well guided and more able to achieve them at a faster rate.

5. Reward yourself. When you achieve a goal, you deserve a reward, no matter how little- a bottle of champagne, a new book, a funfair treat, vacation, name it. I once got myself a set of contact lens as a treat.

6. Don’t stop there, the reward for hard work is more work. Don’t feel you’ve arrived yet. Keep dreaming and keep planning. The world is awaiting a successful you.

Cheers.

DRIVING LESSONS

A popular rule says "dont overtake Unless you have a clear view of any approaching traffic and you can complete the manoeuvre safely.
While the overtaking precautions say u should not overtake till the coast is clear, I will say keep moving, in this case, I wont call it overtaking cos in life everyone should move at his own pace irrespective of those on the road with you.
Moving ahead in life should be constant, the law of inertia( inability to stop while in motion) is a law of nature that should be applicable in our daily lives. If we all wait for all the lines to fall in place before begining a new project or completing an existing one, then we can't get much done. There are no free zones in life, some roads have potholes, others are bumpy, a tree could fall on the road, or a big vehicle may stop functioning, it could be the traffic or the speed limit, could also be a pedestrain crossing, there's always something ahead.
Don't wait till the view is clear before you take the right steps, the road doesnt have to be devoid of obstacles before you head towards ur direction, all you need is a destination and your wheels, your will is your wheel and you are behind it to steer you towards your destination.

Wishing you a happy ride

Memoirs......

It was the eve of February 14- feast of St. Valentine, We were ushered into the sitting room, eleven of us, students at that moment, I looked around, on the wall hung religious portraits of Jesus and Mary as is seen in the homes of many Catholics, my attention was caught by a huge television, the biggest screen I have ever seen, coming from an average background, such wasn’t found in my home, the television was showing one of the channels from the Multichoice satellite, but no one was around to watch. Few minutes later, the man we were waiting for arrived, he brought a keg of foreign wine and asked for cups to go round we all partook in it, sweetest wine I’ve ever tasted, the wine confirmed the saying that old wine tastes better cos it was aged 30 years. We were engaged in a chitchat and told of how lively and fun filled romance was in the generation before us, of course we knew that times had changed and things that matter most have been replaced by frivolities. He called our love mechanical, I don’t know what triggered the choice of words, but I tried to understand if it was devoid of the practicals mechanical engineering students are known for or if the practicals have replaced the theoretical aspect- all shows no words or all words no shows, but I knew a balance had to be reached somehow for all to be smooth.

We were taken back to the days when lovers held hands while walking round the gardens and wrote notes to express their love. I came to realize that what we have today is a mockery of love, most times spent in the confines of the room, holding more than hand and speaking words that can’t be written down….(story for another day)

In the midst of all these my mind and imaginations travelled to places, many sought to watch TV but had none at their disposal, here there was one with a full subscription and no one to savour that opportunity. We were in the home of a man who had so many achievements to his name, and he couldn’t find time to relax. I came to one conclusion- THERE IS NO END TO STRUGGLING IN LIFE, the higher you go, the more responsibilities you acquire and lesser time to spare on rest and sleep

We were in the home of late Prof COE Onwuliri. Today marks the 3^rd year since he journeyed to higher grounds, and his life and lessons still linger. Eternal rest grant unto him oh Lord.

HOMECOMING:SOMETIME IN MAY

And May didn’t pass me by

To say I’ve not waited, could be a lie, but to say I’ve not prepared is the absolute truth (there are half truths u know).

I’ve been dreaming for a long time, as long as I can’t remember, I’ve woken up and slept back, I’ve  been pushing this away for a very long time, the dictionary calls it “procrastination”, my mum calls it “ ntahmeme”(I’ll do it later), but I know what it is, I call it fear, fear of words(yea I know what you’re thinking), how can you be afraid of what u claim you love? But it’s true- its fear of not having enough of it. The illusions in my dreams have been more appealing than the unknown reality I have to wake up to.

But sometime in May, I looked up and around, and then I looked within, searched my soul from where cometh all I speak and write, then I said to myself. "May will not pass me by".

Today as I begin this affair with my 1^st love in the comfort of the blogosphere, I know I might be my only witness, but that won’t deter me from doing what I love most. This is a wakeup call to all who have been waiting for something to happen- a new week, a new year, the next paycheck, the completion of a project, oh! that this phase may pass me by, when I lose 10 kg and so on. Let ‘s stop making excuses, let’s stop waiting, a new day or even a new minute is all we need

Pick up that book, pick up that pen,  start taking that class, start learning that language, start clearing those debts, buy that new outfit, above all, start doing those things that you love most, those things that make you happy, those things that speak to your heart. Things only you can do for yourself.

 Happy Reading.