Marriage is for Christians is a lifetime affair, the person you decide to marry goes a long way to ensure your happiness in the long run. Getting attached to the right partner reduces your prayer points in marriage. It is easy to overlook certain red flags while dating, these signs crop up and grow into something bigger and more destructive in marriage. While I cannot tell you who to marry, i'll tell you the kinds of men you must never get attached to.
The Narcissist: This man is too absorbed in his own needs, desires and interest to take notice of yours, his ego is inflated. He pays no attention and shows no interest in things that matter to you , he doesn't share in your passions. Marriage is partnership, it involves the daily giving up of oneself for another,
Greater love hath no man than this. Marrying a self absorbed person takes away the gift on unconditional love from you.
The man who underplays your standards: This kind of man doesn't value your values, he makes a mockery of the kind of woman you have worked hard to build and pressures you into giving in to his demands. The man deserving of you should respect you and everything you represent.
The Shameless Man: I believe there is a level of pride due to every individual, the kind of pride that makes one not to stoop below a certain standard, the right kind of pride represents ones dignity and self respect, a man lacking in this has no boundaries or limits to what he can do, he has no shame, no scruples.
The Irresponsible Man : The irresponsible man takes up no responsibilities, you can see this in his conversation, the stories he tells you, does he make excuses when something goes wrong or mans up to his mistakes with the aim of becoming a better person? Does he pick up bills and do little things depending on his financial capability? Theither kind of home you hope to build depends on how willing both partners are to fulfil their duties.
The Spiritual Baby : If a man is not spiritually and emotionally mature, never get attached to him. Contrary to what the society has made us believe, the man is the spiritual leader of his home. We have watched our mothers scrape their knees and roast perpetually in the war room to save their homes. The era of St. Monica should be fast phasing out. I'm not saying women should stop being prayerful, I'm saying we should not be unequally yoked, a man's relationship with God should be strong enough for him to know the words of HIS WORD to wash her with ( Ephesians 5:26 ) and live by those words.
...to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word (Eph 5:26)
BOYS: I lay emphasis on this point because one of the most causes of drama in marriage is linked to third party interference especially from inlaws. Don't get hitched to a boy who hides under the vocabulary 'Man.’ A man should leave his father and mother. Watch out for signs that he is ready to leave and cling to you. I'm not saying a man shouldn't love his parents, he's not expected to abandon them, but at a stage in a man's life, if he's overly attached to his mother, it's a warning sign. A young lady complained to me about her husband being treated like a child by his mum, sent on unspeakable errands and called around like an errand boy, on probing further she confessed that while they were courting she was aware of certain things her husband's mum said against her and he took sides with his mum. Things like that don't change overnight, if he believes everything the mother says without asserting his sense of reasoning and does all she says without a proper sense of judgment. Leave him be, allow him to grow up. In such marriage you will continue to feel like your husband is married to two women, jealously and insecurity is bound to mess up with your head and interfere with your relationship.
“and said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father
and mother and be united to his wife,
and the two will become one flesh'? (Matt 19:5)
The Chauvanist: This man believes in the superiority of men and has no respect for the women in his life, His interaction with women shows if he can be trusted with your heart, your life , your future and your daughters. Does he ogle every woman he drives past, use cuss words and objectify women? Does he talk back and down at his mother and sisters? Signs that he will be an abuser or a womanizer are hidden between these lines.
While waiting on God for your partner, take your time to mould yourself into a woman you can be proud of, and do not be afraid to get rid of anyone who doesn't fit into God's plan and purpose for you. His will for you is good not evil, to bring you to the expected end of fulfilment in marriage (Jer 29:11).
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